Fallen
by story in reverse
Summary: Bad Luck surpasses Nittle Grasper and Ryuichi's reaction to this is not so shiny.


  
**This is now a one-shot. The so called chapter two will appear as a sequel-whenever that's written. O.o**

His slim frame trembled as he waited for the charts to be finalized. His fingers flinched away from the paper as it was handed to him. He looked up, frightened upon the fact he would have to view the results. His fellow band mate's eyes betrayed the emotions that were actually hidden in the depths of aquamarine.   
  
Without a word, he accepted the paper, marveling at the crisp texture of the document as he brought it into his field of vision.  
  
Midnight blue eyes darted from the lowest point of the record account before resting upon the first two listings.  
  
Labeled in large bolded font in first place was Bad Luck, while the second, like the rest with its normal style in a smaller size, was Nittle Grasper.  
  
He choked back the sob that was building up, letting go of the paper as if he had been burned. He fell to his knees, tears cascading down his face as it grew pale with shock.  
  
He couldn't hear anything and that disconcerted him. There were only frantic whispers, mantras that were creeping along the waking of his mind. _'Let it all out Ryuichi… Let it all out…'_  
  
He screamed.  
  


Fallen  
Written by Ayako  


  
  
.Late February.  
  
His body movements were in frenzy as he twisted from left to right, features falling as he gazed at the padded walls. He held the stuffed animal against his chest, fondling its ears in affection while gazing at it and murmuring about loneliness and mutual friendship.  
  
Through the glass, others were watching, gazing at the man inside, wondering what was occurring in that seemingly muddled mind.  
  
Those that knew him well felt it was near normal behavior for him to be speaking to the stuffed animal. The movements he projected at the moment were not ones they were familiar with. The calm, yet hyperactive rock star seemed to have disappeared, leaving no traces behind of his previous existence.  
  
Shindou Shuichi stood and sauntered closer to the room, pressing his fingers against the barrier of glass as he watched. Violet eyes were full of sympathy as he watched the man babble nonsense to Kumagorou, the pink bunny he carried with him everywhere he went. What was it that had caused this change? He seemed even further than before, unapproachable in a physical sense. While his childish antics had seemed so full of energy and charm, it seemed like a counter against the outside world from the spot Shuichi stood.  
  
Earlier, the doctor had been ranting about how Ryuichi hadn't spoken much to him and was keeping to himself. His request was for those closest to Ryuichi to come in and possibly help him out of his protective shell. It was the only way to properly diagnose a patient if the doctors themselves were unsuccessful.  
  
Shuichi felt guilty. It was as if he was being forced to comfort his friend in his time of need rather than doing this on his free will. All he wanted to do was console him instead of venturing inside his mind for a stranger. Making his decision, he turned to the man that guarded the door and nodded as to acknowledge his entrance into the room.  
  
The instant the man moved aside, instead of looking up, Ryuichi's eyes trailed up to look upon his rival's face. He found it hard to open his mouth to simply state the other singer's name. If he did, the way it would be said might be insulting and if so, would leave a bitter and foul taste in his mouth afterwards.  
  
Ryuichi swallowed audibly, noticing how dry his throat felt, and forced himself to let that single word, that name, to escape. "Shuichi," he professed, placing his fingers over his Adam's apple as if disgusted with the way his speech sounded.  
  
Ryuichi no longer trusted his voice. It was deceiving him. Once it had been strength, but he had begun losing control of it as Bad Luck sailed up towards the top of the music industry. After so many years, he was finally learning the full potential of betrayal.  
  
Shuichi stilled before allowing himself to release the tenseness from his body. He spoke softly, bending so they would see each other from eye to eye. "What's wrong..." he paused, feeling uncomfortable to be so formal in a place such as this with Ryuichi's condition, "...Sakuma-san?"  
  
How wrong it seemed that Shuichi was still so honorific in saying his last name. While Ryuichi was his elder in years, now that Bad Luck had risen to the top in their career, it was more like Shuichi was his.  
  
Ryuichi didn't feel like speaking his mind, it might bring down everyone's mood. While Shuichi seemed to be someone caring, he was also a little selfish when he didn't get what he wanted. The boy always seemed to get depressed at the slightest response he didn't expect from another person. On the other side… Telling Shuichi those many ideas may be a weakness that he could exploit. Ryuichi wasn't sure what to think anymore. Was Shuichi someone he could trust?  
  
Suppose Ryuichi did tell Shuichi his thoughts on his career. It has been a long time since anyone had talked to him like that. How would Shuichi react? Perhaps he would be surprised? Ryuichi's mind was one filled with complex ideas that were entirely different when compared to others' thoughts. These were thoughts people would not contradict against, or rather, not dare to.  
  
Intrigued, he settled that it was now necessary to test Shuichi's limits. "Ne, Shuichi…"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
The way Ryuichi was speaking seemed like how he usually spoke. The cheerful and nearly childlike attitude everyone was used to.  
  
"Do you know what happens when a tree falls, and no one is around to hear it?" asked Ryuichi, looking at both Shuichi and Kumagorou.  
  
The inquiry had been said so quietly that Shuichi had to strain himself forward despite their closeness.  
  
As the question sunk in, Shuichi hesitated and paused to consider an answer. "I don't," he confessed, "What happens when a tree falls, and no one is around to hear it?" He resisted the urge to add 'Sakuma-san' as a continuation to his words.  
  
Chuckles filled with bitterness seemed to echo throughout the room as if it were a response to Shuichi's oblivious return to his question. It was a negative sound when compared to the nearly innocent tone of Ryuichi's question. He shook his head in amusement, staring at his hands, which were moving the bunny around.  
  
Shuichi tensed, wondering if he had offended the rockstar.  
  
It was seemed like an eternity when Ryuichi lifted his head to look at Shuichi. There was a smile full of heartache on his face that was just as effective as the ones full of happiness. The next words that came from his lips hit Shuichi hard.  
  
Said wistfully, if not sadly. "They don't care, Shuichi. They can't hear the sound of the tree falling… So why would they bother to care?"  
  
Shuichi couldn't think of a thing to say to those words. While they seemed simple, there was intricacy within them. He didn't need to worry because Ryuichi looked as if he was going to continue speaking.  
  
"A tree doesn't have people near it unless it has its inane amount of leaves that provide shade for a sweating being or a car when the weather is hot. When a tree falls, it has no reason to get back up." Ryuichi sighed, combing his hand through his hair. He shook as he carried on "It's like… singing."  
  
Shuichi's breathing ceased, flabbergasted by the comparison between an object and a verbal action.  
  
"Once you fall from the sky, what's the point of continuing? What's the point of going on…?" This confused Shuichi since it appeared like a rhetorical question. The next thing heard from Ryuichi was muttered so quietly that it took a few seconds for Shuichi to comprehend what he had said.  
  
Every Nittle Grasper fan would've dreaded this if they thought the singer was capable of uttering it: "What's the point of singing?"  
  
Shuichi stumbled and fell, fear evident in his eyes at the words. He fumbled as he tried to stand up, wanting nothing else but to escape this room and his idol.  
  
Ryuichi watched Shuichi as he left. "Shuichi…"  
  
Eventually, he would have to decide on what to call him.  
  
  
Other encounters were quite similar, as those closest to Ryuichi had attempted to help him recover from the shock. The main difference was of the conversations. With Touma and Noriko, he discussed 'the old days' when they had been a simple band with simple lives, being used to high school fan girls that teased them of possible fame.  
  
From what he had said, it appeared he longed for life to be as it used to be, all those years ago. The information didn't help the doctor much in finding a so-called 'cure' or solution to Ryuichi's … depression. After an effort at trying to break past the stubborn barriers of his mind, the rock star was silent once more, sending his friends walking away with terror on their faces and guilt clogged consciences while Ryuichi's trust for others began to fade.  
  
Everyone was practically assisting the doctor by speaking to him, which could be another form of gathering information from him, to 'help him'. There wasn't anything wrong with Ryuichi… He was just feeling a little lonely since people didn't come by as often as they used to. They didn't even stay a while to ask about Kumagorou!  
  
Ryuichi gazed at Kumagorou with dejection and his hands quivered as another one of his inner conflicts took control. What was he supposed to think? They didn't treat him the way they used to. It was as if he was sick. Wouldn't everyone else be acting similarly if they were being treated this way? With a frustrated growl, the long time inanimate companion was flung to the side of the room, a single solitary tear trailing down it's forever smiling face.  
  
  
  
Static overtook the miniature television screen until he adjusted the antenna of the small set. The volume was set to low so that those outside the room would not be able to hear it. Quickly, he fumbled with the remote for the music channel in the darkness.  
  
  
  
Seguchi Touma appeared on the screen, his hands clasped in front of his face as he looked at the reporters gathered around the podium. Lights flashed as the cameramen took pictures for their own respective newspapers and magazines. Never-ending stream of questions from the journalists filled the conference room   
  
Officers stood close by to ensure the crowd wouldn't be too rowdy and disrupt the announcement.  
  
Touma looked straight into the video camera as he began to speak: "I assume all of you have heard the rumors about the possibility of Nittle Grasper disbanding due to the results from the recent listings."  
  
People chattered amongst themselves quietly at the prospect of Nittle Grasper disbanding once more.  
  
"Of course…" Touma began, seeming to drawl the last few words to emphasize them further, "That is not the case." Collective sighs of relief were heard at his words. "But there will be no new CDs or songs until we get through the recent technical problems that we have been having."  
  
Shuichi, along with the other members of Bad Luck, watched the conference from the break room. His breath went static as other possibilities on Ryuichi's condition began to dawn on him. He clenched his fists, listening with focused attention, his heartbeat loud to his ears. The sound of an opened door caused him to turn to his right.  
  
K looked at him with an expression that could be described solemn. It was familiar and reminded him of the previous time when a loved one was at the hospital.  
  
Touma wanted to speak with him.  
  
  
  
He leaned against the wall to look out the window and did not bother to turn off the television. "Nittle Grasper…" he muttered, gazing at the dark clouds that began to gather into the sky. "It looks like it's going to rain," he remarked as he began to walk out of his room, allowing only the barest hint of light escape from the hallway while he began to close the door.  
  
He delivered one last look at the posters that covered the walls of his room before closing the door shut.  
  
It was time to start forgetting.  
  
  
  
Shuichi peeked through the space between the door and it's hinges to see Touma turned away from his desk in his chair, looking out the window. Seeing that his body was reflected against the glass, he stepped inside and walked over to the desk.  
  
It was a few moments before Touma swerved toward Shuichi's direction, looking at him with his usual look of composure. "I'm pleased with the results of the most recent album Bad Luck has put out."  
  
Relief replaced the expression of worry that was on Shuichi's face. His shoulders dropped as he relaxed.  
  
Touma lifted up the nearly crumpled up sheet of paper toward Shuichi. The past few days had been frustrating so there weren't any copies being printed out.   
  
Shuichi smoothed the contours of the lines that made it hard to see the ink on the paper. He was able to make the words Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper on the paper as well as the two different numbers. His jaw dropped in surprise. "This is…"  
  
Touma looked downward at his desk, a gesture that was disconcerting since it wasn't one people weren't used to seeing. He wasn't used to the idea of Ryuichi ever feeling this way. The main problems he dealt with others were the incidents of Eiri.  
  
…Ryuichi, he was a different case. The singer had always been the glue that kept them together when either one of them were feeling down.  
  
Who knew such a change would hurt him?  
  
"Shindou-san…" Touma started, standing up to look at the singer, eye to eye. "I have a favor to ask of you."  
  
Shuichi looked at Touma with renewed apprehension. Was it his imagination, or was it getting hot in here? Sweat was gathering in the palms of his hands as his arms dangled against his sides.  
  
"Please… Don't visit Ryuichi again."  
  
Shuichi looked at him in alarm and disbelief that he would ask him to do such a thing. "Why? I'm not hurting anyone!" he said lamely, memories of Touma's demand that he wouldn't be allowed near Yuki. He built up the energy he had left to ask the question he had left hanging since that day. "...Haven't things changed?"  
  
"The matter of Ryuichi's state is something that goes further than the relationship you both currently have with each other… It has nothing to do with what happened."  
  
"Then… When the results from the hospital come in… Can you…" Shuichi said through clenched teeth, holding back the truth of his emotions.  
  
Touma gave him a courteous nod as a response.  
  
After the singer left, Touma turned to look at the hospital from where he stood. The office was in the perfect spot. _'This is for the best that you don't see him right now.'_ He would do anything for the people he loved, even if it involved separating them from one person.  
  
  
  
"No visitors today Sakuma-san," said the passing nurse, giving him a sympathetic smile.  
  
There wasn't a response to the vocalized fact even though she continued to walk down the hallway.  
  
Ryuichi trembled, feeling intensely cold in the warm room. No one was here. Had they forgotten him? Without his songs, would he be a face in the crowd, apart of the shades of gray rather than the shining light that was the central point of it all? Was he sent here so he would be able to sing again?  
  
_"Why do I have to stay here? I'd rather be home…" Ryuichi yawned, holding onto Kumagorou as he skipped toward their destination.  
  
Touma smiled, looking at Ryuichi with a brief hint of affection. "Staying at the hospital is a way of helping you."  
  
Ryuichi looked at the blond in confusion. What did he mean? "But Touma, I'm not hurt or anything."  
  
"You haven't been eating lately, have you?" he asked, emphasizing what he knew by poking at Ryuichi's torso. "I can feel your ribs. It's not healthy to be starving yourself."  
  
"Touma! I'm not starving myself!" Ryuichi laughed, believing this to be all in good humor.  
  
Touma looked at Ryuichi, slightly upset at his reluctance to take the matter seriously. "Ryuichi…"  
  
"I'll be fine."_  
  
Ryuichi wasn't lying. He was in top condition and was ready to leave. Didn't Touma believe in him? He was doing well, and everything was going all right. Just because he hadn't been eating lately didn't mean anything.  
  
While their music wasn't reaching up to the goals Ryuichi had envisioned, it wasn't the ranking of his music that he worried about, nor the fans. His music was like a lover, something that would be with him forever. He had to push himself further. After all, what did he have without his music? Scribbling, random sparks of hyperactivity and friendship… They were all a part of him, but could only last so long… No one could stand to be lonely forever could they?  
  
His family… He didn't know where they were.  
  
His friends, they had other things to do, other people to be with.  
  
"…What do I have?"  
  
End of Fallen  
  
  



End file.
